List of 59 audience approved comedy topics….

Get your engine running…

I have been holding out on this list for some unexplained reason. It was compiled a while back and has been sitting around waiting for me to post….59-IDEAS

Use one or all of these 59 topics for whatever project you are working on….

In case you are wondering what audience approved them…well… let’s just say they are pretty sophisticated bunch. And these topics are half-baked waiting for you develop for your audience.  Then they will be officially approved…..

Always remember no work is ever wasted….

1.He/she is  tougher than me…
2.If I hear the word(s) __________ one my time in the news......
3.Getting stuff done…
4.Names now verses names then…
5.Dating - older men or women…
6.What rich people have/do…
7.Being ignored…
8.Smokers now verses thirty years ago…
9.Getting your house/car broken into…
10. Laugh so hard you pee-yourself…
11.The "Dream" of getting in shape…
12.When she/he wants to talk…
13.Financial Expectations…
14.Great movies you refuse to watch…
15.Ways to save money…
16.Gas prices….
17.Single parent with kids…
18.Losing/gaining weight…
19.Camping with family…
20.Who says I/we watch way too much TV…
21.My kid in first grade verses my first grade experience…
22.She/he - Boy/Girlfriend - Wife/Husband - Buddies...etc... Going  to an event with me (Movies, carnivals, sports)…
23.You are what you do…
24.People watching / observation / collecting material
25.Noises you/we/it..... makes…
26.When in doubt talk about the weather….
27.Just trying to have a conversation…
28.Living Sober (after college)…
29.Where are you from...
30.Nobody likes creepy people (unless they are in the movies)...
31.Relationships gone bad….
32.Get to do an interview for a magazine/blog/podcast…
33.Bar's drink specials/names…
34.My last name is the worst/best
35.What poor people do verses rich people…
36.Younger habits versus Habits now…
37.People don’t text don’t talk anymore…
38.When do you officially become girlfriend and boyfriend…
39.Ancestors and relationships…
40.When in doubt talk about farts…
41.Customer service interactions…
42.Psychotic behind the wheel…
43.Try new food…
44.People making out for the first time…
45.Close out accounts….
46.How stuff works…
47.Global Warming
48.Social media roasting…
49.What I do to get a laugh…
50.Flea market/Goodwill shopping…
51.Sit on the couch doing….
52.Everything is FREE these days….
53.Sleepwalking….
54.Signs you need to cut back on partying…
55.Laugh first apologize later
56.Life as a dad or a mom…
57.Your career compared to other careers…
58.Being responsible….
59.Bar hopping…

Ideas needing your comedic spin…

Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies into a nice little bit. If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!
1. What’s another word for “I am really freaking tired of hearing about flags right about now.” Can we change the subject?
2. Is there such thing as a placebo message? Can I think am getting one?
3. Being a kid of a pro-football player has to be the best of both worlds. You get everything you want, and you learn from a pro.
4. It really bugs me when people are unintentionally noisy slamming doors without realizing what they are doing.
5. My favorite thing to do is to get lost then find myself.
6. That painting is my natural mimesis!
7. Quotations – “On my business card, I am a corporate president. In my mind, I am a game developer, but in my heart I am a gamer.” ~Satoru Iwata

8. What does it hurt to have one more republican candidate?

9. 1952 was the first year for the Miss USA beauty pageant. It was also the year Elizabeth II was made Queen of England

10. If you itch your best friend’s nose there is no doubt they are thinking about you.

My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please. I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.

UPDATE to terms – Make sure you put all Styrofoam into the nearest recycling bin

July 12, 2015 – Just in under the wire…MORE IDEAS NEEDING YOUR COMEDIC SPIN

Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies into a nice little bit. If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!

  1. It’s the year of the great prison escapes….one day they will romanticized like pirates
  2. You know you have a bad day as a criminal when you get chased by a bull from the house you just burglarized.
  3. You know it was a bad flight when turbulence put you in the hospital.
  4. I get the feeling at any moment gas prices will jump through the roof again…and it will be back to spaghetti dinners. 
  5. I am not sure I like the way “Eurozone” sounds….. I wonder what Orwell would have to say.
  6. I really…really…really wish drones were invented when I was a kid. I am sure I would have had a different life profession….
  7. I am more determined than ever too____________
  8. One thing that really needs to be explained to me is____________
  9. Someone is bound to see through the real reason___________
  10. Fashion decisions cause so much trouble between people.

 

My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please. I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.

OH... and please share this post. THANK YOU... 

More ideas needing your comedic spin

 
Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies into a nice little bit. If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!
 
1. Imagine if #TornadoTrump and #HaywireHillary were president and vice president
2. Man pleads with police to take better mug shots
3. At what point do families become a dynasty? Like the BUSH DYNASTY
4. New trend… Sneak Attack doughnut-licking
5. How do you get picked to fly on the first NASA commercial space mission?
6. At one point in my life I did get a jay-walking ticket from a motorcycle cop
7. When does it make sense to get a twofer?
8. Ever wonder if eating ice cream in space is as good as it is on a hot day mid-Summer
9. All I need to know in life is how to…..
10. McDonalds has a new campaign and it has balls….
 
My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit a certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please. I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.

 
Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies into a nice little bit. If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!
 
1. Imagine if #TornadoTrump and #HaywireHillary were president and vice president
2. Man pleads with police to take better mug shots
3. At what point do families become a dynasty? Like the BUSH DYNASTY
4. New trend… Sneak Attack doughnut-licking
5. How do you get picked to fly on the first NASA commercial space mission?
6. At one point in my life I did get a jay-walking ticket from a motorcycle cop
7. When does it make sense to get a twofer?
8. Ever wonder if eating ice cream in space is as good as it is on a hot day mid-Summer
9. All I need to know in life is how to…..
10. McDonalds has a new campaign and it has balls….
 
My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit a certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please. I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.

More ideas needing your comedic spin!

Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies into a nice little bit. If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!

1. There is a new economic class is on the rise and it has no cross over boundary. – Poor, Middle, Rich and the new one called WHINER.
2. What will the driver’s test in the future be like with self-driving cars?
3. Seems like everyone is busting deadlines these days…. Greece, Iran, ____________
4. Banging on the door of having the most consecutive wins…..
5. Angry cursing people cause trouble for the Social Security Administration
6. Learned a new phrase today… “Fat Shamming”….
7. I don’t have an off button for food….
8. I have enough money coming in to hire a full time person to _____________
9. Major technical glitches sound so exciting until it happens to you
10. You have balls when you steal a police cruiser while naked…

And today’s thoughts….

I’m still thinking conspiracy with the F16 kamikaze.

I named my presidential hopeful front runners. They are #TornadoTrump and #HaywireHillary
Cheers

Vann

My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit a certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please. I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.
I put the above in for some fun. Makes me laugh.

These ideas need your comedic spin!

Get your humorist self on and spin these puppies.  If you do snag and write some comedy rags, I would love to see what you come up with… Share back please!

1. Checking your Facebook status way to much… violating terms and conditions

2. When you are single a good problem to have is too much crap in the refrigerator…

3. I love my giant size gas guzzling SUV…

4. Yeah I am qualified for this job….

5. Is there a decline in buffet style dining out in America?…

6. What I would rather be doing instead of sitting in traffic

7. My kids want iPads…

8. The best fight moves ever….

9. So scared you wet yourself…

10. Who do you blame the economy falling apart on?….

FYI – My goal is and always has been to help talented people produce what they do best. If you are going full steam ahead or in a rut please use my posts to help the cause.

By the way… How the hell can a F-16  smash into a small slow moving Ceasna?…. I smell conspiracy… Who was on the little plane? Oh and did you see that image of the F-16 engine laying in a RV in a RV park? There is all kind of material to be written about that…

Here is the link for the story. http://news.yahoo.com/officials-f-16-small-plane-collide-midair-162154763.html

All seriousness, my simpathies go out to the families involved no matter what….
Cheers

Vann

My terms and conditions- I foster a love/hate relationship with the grammar police. I love them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. And, I hate them when they are right and let me know in a non-condescending way. In any case, I will admit errors occur. I will admit a certain grammar correction blindness. Please do let me know about any whoppers, but no nitpicking please.  I am looking to encourage an all things positive environment.

22 Hand picked news topics for your monologues – 2/27/2015

Hand picked topic to write your monologues:

  1. Paris Hilton visits Cuba
  2. The Good, The Bad and The Weird: Crunchy KFC Coffee
  3. Massive black hole discovered 2 billion light-years away
  4. Woman Knocked out in Seattle ”Drive-by Egging”
  5. Sen. Jim Inhofe Throws Snowball on Senate Floor in Attempt to Debunk Climate Change
  6. Virginia to compensate victims of forced sterilizations
  7. Adultery no longer a crime in South Korea
  8. March is National Read Aloud Month
  9. 500 Commuters Rescued From Train Stuck Outside Philadelphia Train
  10. Harrison Ford to star in Blade Runner sequel
  11. Apple Sends Invite for Surprise Event on March 9
  12. The big melt: Antarctica’s retreating ice my re-shape Earth
  13. NASA’s drought-predicting satellite is almost ready to begin work
  14. Not even frozen eyeballs can keep Ohio man from biking to work in winter
  15. Digging snow tunnels is now a thing
  16. Science says taking the train is better for your health than driving to work
  17. After-hours Work Email Has Created a Stressful New Night Shift
  18. More than 8 hours of sleep linked to increased stroke risk
  19. Where do your old cloths go?
  20. Maraschino Cherry Tycoon: The Secret Drug Lair New York City Police Uncovered
  21. Crates of chickens fly out of tractor-trailer
  22. Vine launches KID-FRIENDLY app

    There you go…22 topics for writing a monologue…. get to work!….

 

Vann Crow’s hand picked monologue topics – 2/26/2015

Hand picked stories to write your monologues:

  1. Driver near Seattle blames owl-watching for car crash 
  2. 2 Men Accused of Parachuting 200 Feet From Crane Get Tickets

  3. Toronto Police Stumped by Mysterious Tunnel
  4. Bank robbery suspect arrested after stopping for coffee
  5. Montana legislator says ‘yoga pants should be illegal in public’
  6. NYC, Orthodox Jews reach deal on circumcision suction ritual
  7. Cops seeking suspect find him after his Greyhound bus selfie
  8. San Antonio firefighters find snakes roaming in house fire
  9. ‘Drunk Dialing’ 911 More Than 100 Times Finally Gets Man A
    Response: Arrest
    – a little dated, but there is something there…
  10. Texas man arrested for fight at tax office over tightly folded money

  11. Floating strip club’s latest trouble: Human waste disposal

  12. Massachusetts man selling, shipping snow from his yard

  13. Scorpion stings Alaska Airlines passenger, delaying flight

  14. Florida ‘zombie cat’ hit with custody motion

  15. Green groups divided on Hillary Clinton’s oil interest ties 
  16. 400-year-old books stolen in Italy are found in California

  17. Smucker deal may keep activists in Kibbles ‘n Bits  2/04/15
  18. Bad weather delays US woman’s execution rescheduled for Monday

  19. Human head transplant just two years away, surgeon claims

  20. Entrepreneur: We’ve bottled brain power

  21. Want muscles? Rice is the new meat

  22. Man arrested after calling police to ‘test response time’

There you go…. get to work!….

What does your character do for a living? What’s ODD about it?

TOP RANKING JOB TITLES + SOMETHING ODD ABOUT IT. 

Accounting Director – Has Dyslexia

Actuary – Hates Probability

Anesthesiologist – Has a drug habit

Architect – Lives in a barn

Attorney / Lawyer – Cannot Spell

Bio-medical Engineer – Is a serial killer

Biotechnology Research Scientist – Is a spy

Business Development Analyst – Sell cocaine

Business Operations Manager – For a Bra Manufacturer

Certified Public Accountant – Pays off the IRS

Civil Engineer – Destroys Environment

Clinical Research Associate – Make homemade candles

Clinical Services Director – Is a graffiti artist

Compensation Analyst – Married to a garbage collector

Computer and Information Scientist – Sneezes loud constantly

Construction Estimator – Is a mafia henchman

Construction Project Manager – Lives like a  homeless person

Customer Service Manager – Has anger issues

Database Administrator – Types very slow

Dentist – Has bad breath

Director of Communications – For a mom and pop store

Director of Nursing – Runs an escort service for the terminally ill

Emergency Room Physician – Missing two fingers

Employment Recruiter – Has OCD

Environmental Engineer – Hates the outdoors

Environmental Health & Safety Specialist – Has a fear of heights

Geographic Information Systems Analyst – Is color blind

Healthcare Consultant – Cannot stand fruit

Healthcare Services Program Director – Is always sick

Hospital Administrator – Loves to pop balloons

Human Resources Consultant – Hate people

Information Systems Security Engineer – Love getting high

Information Technology Business Analyst – For a .COM start-up

Intensive Care Unit Nurse – Is forgetful

Management Consultant – Hates Rats

Marketing Consultant – Is antisocial

Medical Case Manager – Loves Chocolate

Network Operations Project Manager – Former Navy Officer

Nursing Home Director – Is 25 years old

Obstetrician / Gynecologist – Has a foot fetish

Outside Sales Manager – For a grass seed company

Physical Therapist – Over eats

Physical Therapy Director – Weighs 450Lbs

Physician Assistant – Steals money from wallets

Product Management Director – Texas cattle farm

Project Engineer – For NYC MTA

Psychiatrist – Is into S&M

Public Relations Director – Pharmaceutical Company

Regional Sales Manager – For a Garlic Farm

Rehabilitation Services Director – Is a quadriplegic

Research & Development Manager – For Hot Wheels

Risk Management Manager –  For a Nuclear Casualty Insurance Trust Company

Sales Account Manager – A rat trap company

Sales Director – A meatball manufacture

Security Director – For a Circus

Senior Data Analyst – Reads romance novels

Senior Product Development Scientist – Hates Clutter

Senior Sales Executive – For a RV business

Social Worker – Hates kids

Software Architect – Builds Gazebos

Software Engineering / Development Director – Extremely disorganized 

Speech-Language Pathologist – Has a lisp

Statistician – Has a Jelly bean Collection

Structural Engineer – Is a Boy Scout Troop Leader

Systems Engineer – Reads Poetry

Technical Services Manager – Runs Hot Rod Car Shows

Technical Writer – Has Arthritis

Telecommunications Network Engineer – Loves Heavy Metal

Test Software Development Engineer – Writes children’s books

Training Development Director – Never went to college